Star Wars, told in Cats-songs
by HaveYouBeenAnAlumnus
Summary: A series of Cats song parodies about Star Wars.
1. Jabba the Hutt, the Hutt about Tatooine

This is a series of Cats-song parodies in Star Wars style. I plan on doing parodies for Macavity, Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats and more!

First is 'Jabba the Hutt, the Hutt about Tatooine'!

 **Original song:** Bustopher Jones (duh)

 **Setting:** Jabba's Palace

 **Performed by:** The Max Rebo Band. Sy Snootles sings. Imagine the tuba in this song actually being Droopy McCool playing bandfill, and the organ at the start of the second part being Max Rebo playing nalargon.

 **Words only true Star Wars fans understand:**

Bandfill: An instrument that resembles a horn. You might recognize it from the Cantina Band, they use it.

Nalargon: Circle-shaped, organ-like instrument, played by Max Rebo.

Gorgs: The frog-like creatures Jabba eats.

So, here it is!

oo0O0oo

 **SY SNOOTLES:**

Jabba the Hutt

Is just head and butt

'cause all he ever does is sit

He likes to watch shows

Just before he throws

His dancer in his rancor pit.

-o-

He's the Hutt you will meet

If you drop your space-weed

(For you have to admit that is dumb)

No commonplace gangsters

Have such 'funny' pranksters

Like his monkey-lizard Salacious Crumb.

-o-

In the whole of Tatooine nobody is as mean

Or as fat as this scoundrel of Hutts

And we're sentenced to death

when we get a price on our head

by Jabba the Hutt on his barge.

 **WHOLE BAND:**

In the whole of Tatooine you will never have seen

A more wretched hive of scum and villainy

And we'll all soon be dead

If we're chased by Boba Fett

And by Jabba the Hutt on his barge.

-o-

 **SY SNOOTLES:**

His guard is a Gamorrean

And Max Rebo is an Ortolan

And… someone just fell through the trapdoor!

Rancor steps through his gate…

(It's been long since he ate)

And a scream, and a crack, and a roar

For a similar execution

We go to Carkoon

Accompanied, not by bantha's, but skiffs!

He can also be seen

In the canyons of Tatooine

To push Tusken Raiders off the cliffs

In the season of podracing

He always has to bring

Gardulla the Hutt with him, too

And Bib Fortuna

Says 'Die wanna wanga?'

(Which, I think, means 'Who the hell are you?')

When you still owe him money

You might want to hurry

Or you'll be carbonite, that is certain!

And if Boushh's in the room

To free you from your tomb

Jabba'll watch you…

From behiiiind…

A curtaaaaiiiiin!

 **WHOLE BAND:**

In the whole of Tatooine you will never have seen

A more wretched hive of scum and villainy

And we'll all soon be dead

If we're chased by Boba Fett

And by Jabba the Hutt on his

JABBA THE HUTT ON HIS

Jabba the Hutt on his barge.

-o-

 **SY SNOOTLES:**

So, much in this way

Passes Jabba his day

In his palace, or on his sail barge

It can be no surprise

That under our eyes

He has grown unmistakably large.

-o-

He's a 5000 pounder!

And he's a real bounder

And he's eating more Gorgs every day

But he's well-entertained

Because he's restrained

All his slaves on a chain and he'll say:

 **JABBA THE HUTT:**

Kasu ya lee coy rah doe bankee kung!

 **SY SNOOTLES:**

That's the word from this fattest of Hutts!

 **WHOLE BAND:**

It must and shall be

Spring in Mos Eisley

For Jabba the Hutt's on his

Jabba the Hutt's on his

Jabba the Hutt's on his barge.

 **JABBA THE HUTT:**

Bo shouda!

oo0O0oo

 **A/N:** I hope you liked this little song. Next will be 'Because Jedi Knights try not, Jedi Knights do!'

Also, I somehow managed to not only write the first Cats/Teen Titans crossover, now I also made the first Cats/Star Wars crossover! (I was actually surprised it was the first)

Also also, I think pushing Tusken Raiders off of cliffs just for fun might be one of Jabba's hobbies.


	2. Because JK try not, JK do

Here is the second song: 'Because Jedi Knights try not, Jedi Knights do'!

 **Original song:** Jellicle Songs For Jellicle Cats

 **Setting:** Jedi Temple

 **Performed by:** The Jedi and some darker individuals

 **Words only true Star Wars fans understand:**

Holocrons: Those damn things that made you play _The Force Unleasehed_ five times before you found all of them.

Kyber crystals: The crystals Jedi use as the energy source for their lightsaber.

Nexu: The tiger-like creature that attacks Padme in the Geonosis Arena.

Kaadu: The two-legged things Gungans ride.

Dactillion: The pterodactyl-like creatures you can see on Utapau.

Rodian, Ithorian, Corellian, Klatooinian, Devaronian, Mon Calamari, Togruta, Gamorrean, Kaminoan, Neimoidian, Trandoshan, Geonosian, Mustafarian, Iridonian, Amani, Nautolan, Toydarian, Mirialan, Besalisk, Tholothian, Aqualish and Sullustan: I'm pretty sure you know most of these, but in case there are some that don't sound familiar: they're all species or races.

oo0O0oo

 **OBI-WAN KENOBI:**

Are you blind when you're trained?

 **QUI-GON JINN:**

Does your sword glow in the dark?

 **MACE WINDU:**

Can you battle the Sith?

 **YODA:**

Are you one with the Force?

 **PLO KOON:**

Can you say the Light Side is better than the Dark?

 **ANAKIN SKYWALKER:**

Can you fight a rancor…

 **LUKE SKYWALKER:**

And not be the main course?

 **ALL:**

Because Jedi Knights try not, Jedi Knights do

Or do not, because there is no try

That's the first rule of being Jedi:

Do or do not, but there is no try

 **KI-ADI-MUNDI:**

Can you fall from large heights, but still land on your feet?

 **AGEN KOLAR:**

Are you tense when you sense there's a disturbance in the Force?

 **ANAKIN:**

Can you, just by yourself, destroy entire fleets?

 **QUI-GON:**

Do you know how to slice through some heavy blast doors?

 **ALL:**

Because Jedi Knights can and Jedi Knights do

Jedi Knights do and Jedi Knights can

Jedi Knights can and Jedi Knights do

Jedi Knights do and Jedi Knights can

Jedi Knights can and Jedi Knights do

 **AAYLA SECURA:**

Can you fly in a spaceship to planets far distant?

 **YARAEL POOF:**

Familiar with holocrons…

 **COLEMAN TREBOR:**

And kyber crystals?

 **YODA:**

Were you a Wookiee's friend?

 **ANAKIN:**

Or the Chancellor's assistant?

 **KIT FISTO:**

Have you served the Republic, and then the Rebels?

 **LUMINARA UNDULI:**

Are you mean like a nexu?

 **SHAAK TI:**

Are you lean like a kaadu?

 **OBI-WAN:**

Do you feel a disturbance when innocents die?

 **MACE WINDU:**

Can you craft your own lightsaber, purple or blue?

 **ALL:**

If you were and you are, you can be a Jedi!

-o-

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

-o-

We can dive through the air like a dactillion

We can turn triple somersaults, not getting tired

We can fight on speeders, and on small lava-droids

We can deflect lasers back to where they were fired

-o-

Jedi Knights can and Jedi Knights do

Jedi Knights can and Jedi Knights do

Jedi Knights can and Jedi Knights do

Jedi Knights can and Jedi Knights do

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

-o-

Can you fight at the same time with more than one sword,

The Trade Federation and the Emperor

 **EMPEROR:**

HEHAHAHAHAHA! _(Maniacal laugh)_

 **JEDI:**

And can you meditate without getting bored (AAAAAH!)

And do you know what the Jedi Code stands for:

-o-

One: you should never ask for a fight

If you're a Padawan, Youngling or Knight

Two: don't give in to anger or hate

Three: you should never go on a date

…

Four: never use the Dark Side of the Force

Five: we're keepers of the peace, not warriors

Six: never use, deal or buy some death sticks

Seven: if you're stuck, use some mind tricks

-o-

The mystical energy field, stronger than a deflector shield

Around the Jedi Temple rang: "May the

Force be with you, strong and always!"

Mind trick

Lightning

Force push and choke

 **LUKE:**

Hey Ben, who is Snoke?

 **KYLO REN:**

What?

 **JEDI:**

Jedi Knights can and Jedi Knights do

Jedi Knights do and Jedi Knights can

Jedi Knights can read Jedi Archives

Jedi Knights old and Jedi Knights new

Jedi Knight song and Jedi Knight dance

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

-o-

Rodian Knight

Ithorian Knight

Corellian Knight

Klatooinian Knight

Devaronian Knight

Mon Calamari Knight

Togruta Knight

Gamorrean Knight

Kaminoan Knight

Neimoidian Knight

Trandoshan Knight

Geonosian Knight

Mustafarian Knight

Iridonian Knight

Amani Knight and Nautolan Knight

Toydarian Knight

Mirialan Knight

Besalisk Knight

Tholothian Knight

Aqualish Knight and Sullustan Knight

-o-

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

Jedi Knight songs for Jedi Council

-o-

 **OBI-WAN:**

There's a man over there

With a look of surprise

As much as to say: "I have a bad feeling about this"

 **ANAKIN:**

Do I actually see with my own very eyes

A man who doesn't know what the Force is?

oo0O0oo

 **A/N:** To know the answer to that question, read 'Midi-what?' by HaveYouBeenAnAlumnus, or wait until I make a song about it.

If you want to know who my favorite Jedi is, he's the one who says my favorite line by my favorite Jellicle. And if you don't what those are, look at my profile name and picture.

Next song should be "The Emperor, the mystery Sith".


	3. The Emperor, the Mystery Sith

Third song: 'The Emperor, the Mystery Sith'.

 **Original song:** Macavity, the Mystery Cat

 **Setting:** No idea. The Emperor's throne room perhaps? Or his office from the prequels? You decide.

 **Performed by:** Padme Amidala and Leia Organa (Evil laughs performed by the Emperor)

 **Words only true Star Wars fans understand:**

Sheev: Emperor Palpatine's actual first name. Isn't it hilarious?

Reek: The rhino-like creature in the Geonosian Arena.

oo0O0oo

 _(Mysterious music)_

 **EMPEROR:**

Heha-a-a-a-a! _(maniacal laugh)_

 **LEIA ORGANA:**

Sheev Palpatine's the Emperor,

He's called 'Darth Sidious'

For he's the master of the Sith,

Who can kill all of us

He's the bafflement of the Jedi,

The Rebel squads despair:

For when they blow up the Death Star,

The Emperor's not there!

-o-

The Emperor, the Emperor

There's no one like the Emperor

He's written the Republic's laws

As well as from the Empire

His powers of the Force lightning would make Count Dooku stare

And when you kill the Apprentice, the Master is not there!

You may seek him in the Sarlacc,

You may look in the wampa's lair

But I tell you once, and once again:

The Emperor's not there!

 **PADME AMIDALA:**

The Emperor's an ugly man,

His laugh is deep and low

You would know him if you saw him

For his eyes are all yellow

His brow is deeply lined with scars

His face is melted off

His robes are darker than the night

He's older than his Moff

He sways his head from side to side

With movements like a Hutt

And when you try to fight him

You will get yourself cut!

-o-

The Emperor, the Emperor,

There's no one like the Emperor

For he's a Sith in a black cape,

Who used to be the Chancellor

You may meet him in the Senate,

You may see him in his chair

But when his secret plans are found

The Emperor's not there!

 **LEIA:**

He's outwardly respectable

 **PADME:**

I know he cheats at wars!

 **LEIA:**

And his Separatists are not found

(or left alive) on Mustafar

 **PADME:**

And when Kamino's cloning…

 **LEIA:**

Or a Jedi Knight's been rifled

 **PADME:**

Or Alderaan is missing…

 **LEIA:**

Or another reek's been stifled!

 **PADME:**

Or his office's glass is broken

And Mace Windu flies through the air

 **BOTH:**

There's the wonder of the thing:

The Emperor is there!

-o-

The Emperor, the Emperor

There's no one like the Emperor

There never was a Sith who could

Make us feel so much terror

He always has an Apprentice,

And one or two to spare

Cause when his current one gets killed,

He will have a new heir!

-o-

And they say that all the guys who's wicked deeds are notorious

 **LEIA:**

I might mention Nute Gunray

 **PADME:**

I might mention Grievous

 **BOTH:**

Are nothing more than minions for the man who constantly

Just controls the operations:

The ruler of the Galaxy!

-o-

The Emperor, the Emperor

There's no one like the Emperor

He's a Sith in a black cape

Who used to be the Chancellor

You meet him in the Senate,

You may see him in his chair

But when his plan's discovered, then

The Emperor

The Emperor

The Emperor!

The Emperor…

When his plan's discovered then

The Emperor's not there!

oo0O0oo

 **A/N:** So, that is that! (And there's how you address…) No. Stop. If I start singing now, I'll go on for hours.

Next will be 'The Awful Battle of the Clones and the Battle Droids (Together with some account of the participation of the Jedi and Sith and the intervention of the great Boba Fett)'.


	4. OTABOTCATBD(TWSAOTPOTJASATIOTGBF)

Fourth song: 'The Awful Battle of the Clones and the Battle Droids (Together with some account of the participation of the Jedi and Sith, and the intervention of the great Boba Fett)'.

 **Original song:** Pekes  & Pollicles (I don't feel like writing that horribly long title again. By the way, it is obvious which song it is based on)

 **Setting:** Kashyyyk

 **Performed by:** Obi-Wan Kenobi and the characters mentioned in the title (no, I'm not naming them all again)

 **Words only true Star Wars fans understand:**

BARC speeder: Speeder used by the Clone army ( **B** iker **A** dvanced **R** econ **C** ommando)

STAP: Flying speeder used by Battle Droids ( **S** ingle **T** roop **A** erial **P** latform)

Gundark: Some sort of monster with four arms and two tiny legs. Obi and Ani once fell into a nest of those before episode II, and Luke looked strong enough to fight one after his bacta tank treatment. (They're only mentioned in the films, but I think they do appear in the Clone Wars series)

Elctrostaff: The magnaguard's weapon, an electric staff that is lightsaber-resistant

Buzz droid: Those droids from the separatists that sabotage your ship while you're flying it

 **Note:** This is **not** the battle of Kashyyyk! It is a battle on Kashyyyk, but not the one where Yoda is at the moment of Order 66.

 **Note #2:** I know Boba Fett was still a kid during the Clone Wars, but anachronisms are probably the least unrealistic things in this song. Just imagine his fully grown, cool version.

oo0O0oo

 **OBI-WAN KENOBI:**

Of the awful battle of the Clones and the Battle Droids

Together with some account of the participation of the Jedi and Sith

And the intervention of the great Boba Fett!

-o-

The Clones and the Battle Droids, everyone knows,

Are cloned and fabricated passionate foes

It is always the same, wherever one goes

And the Jedi and Sith (although most people say

the former don't like fighting, 'cause it's not Jedi way)

Will now, once again, all join in to the fray

And they

 **CLONES:**

BARC

BARC

BARC

BARC

BARC!

BARC!

 **BARC!**

 **BARC!**

 **OBI-WAN:**

Until you heard them louder than a gundark

-o-

Now, on the occasion of which I shall speak

There was a battle going on on Kashyyyk

(Because the droids somehow thought Wookiees are weak)

The big Chewbacca was away from the planet

I don't know the reason, but most people think

He slipped in to Mos Eisley Cantina for a drink.

-o-

And no one at all was about on the beach

When a clone met battle droid with a small screech

They did not open fire, or exactly retreat

But they got on their speeders and picked up some speed

And flew on their

 **CLONE:**

BARC!

 **DROID:**

STAP!

 **CLONE:**

BARC!

 **DROID:**

STAP!

STAP!

 **CLONE:**

BARC?

 **DROID:**

STAP!

 **CLONE:**

BARC?

 **OBI-WAN:**

Until you heard them louder than a gundark

And they

 **CLONE:**

BARC!

 **DROID:**

STAP!

 **CLONE:**

BARC!

 **DROID:**

STAP!

STAP!

 **CLONE:**

BARC!

 **DROID:**

STAP!

 **CLONE:**

BARC!

 **OBI-WAN:**

Until you heard them louder than a gundark

-o-

Now the clone, although people may say what they please

Is not really born, but made in factories

And so all the clones, when they heard the uproar

Some took out their guns, some a detonator

There were surely five thousand, more likely a score

And together they started to fire and fight

And jumped out of dropships in the middle of flight

But a terrible aim is what battle droids have,

Though magnaguards fight with an electrostaff

 **DROIDS:**

There are droids of the Trade Federation

The battle droids and the buzz droids

The magnaguards in our space station

And also the destroyer droids

So if there's a dispute on taxation

We will send out an army of droids

 **OBI-WAN:**

And to those that are all trying to avoid

That the droids win on our own terrain

 **DROIDS:**

That my name it is 2B4 battle droid,

And you better not do it again!

 **OBI-WAN:**

And the Clone Commander troops are powerful fighters

And they washed their armor to make them look whiter

And so they stepped out fighting for every border

Not knowing a thing of the 66th order

-o-

Then the Jedi and Sith stayed no longer indoors,

But some with their lightsaber, some with the Force,

Joined in to the din with the

 **JEDI:**

Light side!

 **SITH:**

Dark side!

 **JEDI:**

Light!

 **SITH:**

Dark!

 **JEDI:**

Light!

 **SITH :**

Dark!

 **OBI-WAN:**

Until you heard them louder than a gundark

 **DROIDS:**

Droideka

Droideka

Droideka

Droideka

Droideka

Droideka

Destroyer droid!

 **OBI-WAN:**

Until you heard them louder than a gundark!

-o-

When these bold armies together assembled

The space traffic stopped, even hyperspace trembled!

And some of the wookiees were so much alarmed

That some of the droids became (literally) disarmed!

When suddenly out from a small treehouse flat,

Why who should fly out but

 **ALL:**

The great Boba Fett!

 _(Boba Fett flies through the air and stupidly smashes against the side of a sail barge)_

 _(Obi-Wan wants to help him stand up but he refuses to be helped by a Jedi)_

 **OBI-WAN:**

His eyes couldn't be seen 'cause of his fearsome helmet

 _(Boba shoots at Obi-Wan, but he dodges)_

He gave a big yawn, heard over the whole planet

And when he looked out through the window of the _Slave I_

You never saw anything cooler!

 **BOBA FETT:**

Hey, Obi-Wan!

 _(Shoots rope around Obi-Wan, who just cuts through it with his lightsaber)_

And what with the sight of his armor and blasters

The Jedi Padawans all fled to their Masters

He looked to the sky and he turned on his jet-

pack and every last one of them fled for the Fett

-o-

And when the clone troopers returned to their fleet

There wasn't a single bantha left to eat

 **ALL:**

All deals and all bounties to the great Boba Fett!

oo0O0oo

 **A/N:** No, I don't think clones actually eat bantha.

To my good friend Razell: You said you wanted an Amani Jedi so many times, I went back to my _Jedi Knights_ song and put an _Amani Knight_ between all the other species.

I'm out of ideas now, so feel free to leave a suggestion! Razell already suggested 'The Naming of Darths', but every idea is welcome!


End file.
